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Story Time: I Was Sexually Assaulted When I Was 12

Those that are close to me know that I’ve been wanting to do a section on my site called Story Time, but this wasn’t how I wanted to start it. Not with this story. I wanted to start with a crazy or funny story, but due to my emotional state because of the recent news stories I figured I should tell this one. Please don’t forget to like and share. Click the video below for the full story…

 

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12 or 13 years old
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13 going on 14

I’d also like to add…Men would be screaming sexual assault if we held them down and shoved a dildo up their ass. Should we call them a hoe too cause they knew what they were getting into? I gotta stay off social media for awhile smh.

Concert Review: Chris Brown @ Dos Equis Pavilion/Heartbreak On A Full Moon Tour

Hey Guys!

So I’m trying something different with the concert reviews. It takes up a lot of time to type up my thoughts of the performances PLUS upload videos and photos, so I figured I’d just review the shows by recording and uploading on Youtube. I also want to direct you guys to my Facebook page Shelly 80s Baby which is where I’ll be uploading the videos.

Briefly, I’ll just say that I did enjoy myself but it was entirely too damn hot to be at an outside concert. NEVER AGAIN! I’ll just have to miss whoever is coming in this Texas heat next time cause I ain’t gon be able to do it! H.E.R did great and hit all the right notes and then some.

Check out my pics and video below…

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Perspective

This one is actually old but my blog was down at the time. So here goes…

December 5, 2016
Nicholas is 1 month old
1:15 AM

Nicholas has woken up while I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, chomping down on a mixture of two cereals. Rice Chex and some weird blueberry toast cereal that I didn’t buy. I never really can sneak and eat around him. He always catches me and then looks at me as if he caught me cheating on him. I quickly finished and sat the bowl on the dresser and slid underneath the sheets.
I laid next to him with some distance in between us and just stared at him. He looked back at me and started squirming. I laid still and watched as he used every muscle, every bone, and every ounce of his body to fight and wiggle his way toward me. I remained still and just stared. His arms flailing about, legs kicking the air and sheets, slightly rolling on his side. He stops when his hand touches my face. Opening his fist, he rubs his hand across my cheek and for a moment I thought his fight was over.
But it wasn’t. He started back up and once I realized that he wasn’t going to stop until I held him, I reached my arm out and snuggled him. He quickly calmed down and fell asleep. He needed me.

Then my emotions got the best of me. I thought to myself, if only his father would do the same for me. Fight with every ounce of his body to be closer to me. To get his family back. Show me the same strength and perseverance. He didn’t need me. Tears came flooding down.

Nicholas shifted in my arms and shifted my thoughts. He needed me. So I wiped my tears, pulled him closer, and closed my eyes. Inhaled his sweet baby smell and promised I’d always reach my arm out if ever he needed me.

They Come In Threes

Carl Rhem

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It wasn’t until I was around 8 or 9 that I learned that my brother’s father was not my biological father. My father had sent a card to my mother along with a picture, asking how the kids were and just wondering how we all were doing. I think my feelings about that at first was a little bit angry because I had been lied to, or something that important was hidden from me. It didn’t help that the years following he was not easy to contact. We never really knew where he was. The saying “Papa was a rolling stone” truly applied to him. By the time I hit my teens I remember him reaching out by mail again around my birthday. It was weird because he had sent a map of where I was located, indicating that he knew exactly where I was. However, by then I was not very interested in getting to know him. I had developed a nonchalant attitude to the fact that I had no father in my life. My brother’s father had lost my interest as well due to broken promises.

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We moved back to Philly when I was 15 and that’s when I finally got to meet him. The encounter was…I don’t know how to describe it. I was happy, a little excited, disappointed and weirded out all in one. First thing he did was hug me and kiss me on the lips. I was taken aback by that because here it is, I don’t know you and I’m 15 not a baby. He gave me all these things that I felt like were pass downs because I was his daughter. A guitar, artifacts, and a computer. We talked for awhile about our interest trying to build a connection, and then he told me that he would come see me the next day and take me out somewhere. He never came and he disappeared again.

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As I got older I realized (as much as I tried to deny it) that a part of the way I acted, the decisions that I made, all stemmed from me not having a strong and consistent father figure in my life. There were a few people that did what they could for the season that they were in my life, and I thank them for it, but it’s not the same. A friend of mine said to me when I was a teenager “You know you’re like that (fast) because you’re searching for love in men that you never got from your father.” I hated that saying and I wanted to believe with every part of my being that that wasn’t true. I wanted to believe that me not having a father had no affect on me. Well reality hit me. I’ll never forget one day my mother took me to see a dance recital called “Dance with My Father”. By now I was grown with a daughter of my own. As I watched the fathers swirl their daughters around pick them up and coddle them, I sunk down in my seat with tears rolling down my face. My mother, me, and my daughter all had missing fathers in our lives. It broke my heart and hurt me to the core. I silently cried the entire show. (I still have the DVD to the show, I refuse to watch it)

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When I was pregnant with my son, my mother had searched and got in touch with my father and gave me his information. This was two years ago, and my father was now in his 70’s living in a senior living apartment home. We talked frequently building a relationship, which also connected me with siblings I never knew I had. He apologized for not being in my life and I forgave him. I just wanted to move forward. He tried to tell me his life story almost every time we talked on the phone. I received pictures of him and my mother, family members, and pictures of him over the years. I quickly learned through our conversation that my father was adventurous, BLUNT, a handy man, a photographer, loved the water especially since he loved to fish, loved weed and alcohol, a free thinker, was an avid drug user back in the day, and looooooved women. Oh, and he hated needles. I appreciated his honesty with me, but I wasn’t happy about some of his stories and some of the things he sent me. I was disappointed in the fact that I never really had an idea of what type of man my father was nor envisioned him any certain way, and now that I knew who he was it wasn’t satisfying. We had a little disagreement, and by the time I had my son I was so occupied with him that I didn’t speak to my father as frequently as before. I realized that it was for the better that he wasn’t in my life when I was growing up. He said to me often that he did some things in his past that were bad and that he was a bad man. I continued to tell him that I loved him after every phone call.

October of last year my brother that I had grown close to, Carl Jr., called me and asked had I been in touch with our dad. Said he had been trying to reach him for the past couple days and wasn’t getting an answer. I tried calling and didn’t get an answer either. My mother called me shortly with the news that my father had been in the morgue for over a week. No one knew. The story goes that he died sitting on his couch in his apartment watching tv, alone. When they found him the tv was still on. I sat on the edge of my bed and cried so hard. The weeks prior he had sent me these homemade DVDs that he had made during some of his travels. Every time he called he asked me had I watched them, and my answer was always no. I felt guilty. I had planned on visiting Philly that fall/winter, but my funds just wouldn’t allow it, so I promised him that I would visit in the summer for my birthday. Now it was too late. The first and last time I saw my father I was 15. My brother Carl was beside himself, especially being that he was the closest to him than any of his other kids. Seeing him struggle with funeral arrangements, I found some cheap flights, took off work for bereavement, and flew to Philly for a week.

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I’ve Always Been A Cry Baby

It was crazy to me that here it is, my father never really did anything for me. At least not since I was an infant. And here I was helping clean his apartment and planning his funeral. It saddened me that this man sat in the morgue for over a week and no one knew. As a human being I still felt compassion for the situation. It was a weird feeling that my father’s death is what brought my siblings and I together to meet for the first time. Halfway thru the week that I was in Philly, and halfway thru many donations from my friends and family to help pay for my father’s funeral, my brother Carl Jr. drops a bomb on me about my father’s checkered past. His experiences as well as others. I reflected on my father’s words to me during one of our conversations, “I was a bad man”. The information that I received was not only heartbreaking but the timing that I received it was just all wrong. A part of me was a bit angry at my brother for telling me this during this time. I couldn’t help but to think if I knew what I know now before I took that flight, would I still have come? Would I still have cleaned out his apartment? Would I still have asked for money for his funeral? How would the people that donated feel if they knew this information? Then I thought about the worst thing that I’ve ever done in my life and the secrets that I hold. I thought about if it were me lying in the morgue for over a week, would I have wanted someone to have enough compassion for me to take care of my body and give me a proper burial. So, I pushed aside my feelings about the information and continued with the process of burying my father. The last day that I was there I was able to get in touch with Medicaid, they paid for his cremation, and I refunded the $900 that I had raised back to everyone. The funeral wasn’t until after I left, and my mother went in place of me, which was very big of her considering.

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When I got back home before I finished unpacking, I sat down and watched the homemade videos my father sent me. My daughter came in the room and hugged me while I cried some more. Like many others I’ll never know what it’s like to have a father. No matter what type of man he was, I can’t deny the fact that his blood runs through my veins. I didn’t hear too many bad things from my mother about him growing up and I thank her as well for offering her support given the circumstances. She was his ex-wife, she was abused, and she paid for his urn and held his flag during his military service. All I can say is Rest in Peace dad and I wish things would’ve been different.

George Gary

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When I think of George the lyrics play in my head “Diamond in the back, sun roof top, diggin the scene with a gangsta lean woo hoooo”. He always rode with his arm hangin out the window, bobbin his head to the old skool. Honestly, whatever old skool music I know, I know it because of him cause that’s all we listened to whenever we rode around.

George and my mother got together when I was around 7 years old and were together up until I was in middle school. He was the closest thing to a father figure that I ever had. I remember his house being our home away from home. Well they were engaged. We went over to his house every weekend and I was always excited cause I had my own room with a tv in it, he had cable and we didn’t, like really all the good stuff was at George’s house lol. He treated my brother and I like his own and we were a family. He took care of us. Even though it didn’t work out between the two of them (for reasons that’s none of my business) I know they loved each other and he taught my mother a lot. I remember her being annoyed because everywhere we went somebody knew George and he had to stop and talk to them for damn near an hour. We could never go any where and come RIGHT back home. Every time we got in the car it was literally a trip, nothing quick about it. I can still picture him drippin in jewelry, waves in his head, and smelling like Joop cologne. I remember being fascinated by all the things he had.

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In George’s Backyard

He was a good man. Even after him and my mother split, he still took me to school every morning and sometimes picked me up. Even after that ended I knew that if I ever needed anything I could call him. He lived down the street from us so he continued to drive by, honk the horn, and wave at us whenever he saw us outside. It was comforting to know that he still cared and was looking out for us.

Time went by, I grew up, moved away, and lost contact. When I first heard about George having health issues a couple years ago, I made sure to visit him while he was in a rehabilitation center recovering. I wanted him to know that I still cared even though I wasn’t in touch. Every now and then I would ask my mom how he was doing whenever he ran across my mind. On March 9th his niece messaged me on Facebook to let me know that he had passed. Of course I was very sad but it wasn’t until I attended the funeral and saw him that it weighed heavy on me. When I heard all the other stories from other people and just thinking about how he was good to us, I just broke down in tears. George was the best example of a man that I have to date. He worked hard and was a provider. He was stern but yet kind at the same time. I’ll always be grateful to him for that. Rest In Peace Georgy Porgy. P. S. He gave my mom the nickname BoBo which to this day I still have no idea where that came from.

Carl Jr.

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I’m still not over this. A day after attending George’s funeral, March 20th, I learned that my big brother Carl Jr. had passed away. I got up that morning, still with a heavy heart, scrolling Facebook and saw my brother’s picture posted with a caption that read “Rest In Peace”. It felt like my heart stopped. I thought to myself this can’t be true! NO!!!

The day that I met Carl Jr. he cried and he hugged me so tight. I’ll never forget that hug. From day one when we first spoke he always seemed so excited to have a little sister. Always genuinely concerned with how I was doing, how my kids were doing, and what was going on in my life. I never felt so close and connected to someone I only met a couple times in my life.

I know that Carl Jr. took our fathers passing very hard and a couple times he also pulled disappearing acts. Unfortunately, Dec 31st was the last time I had spoken to him. I had been angry with him at the time over a promise that he had made and didn’t fulfill. Even though I was over it soon after, I didn’t reach out to him and vice versa. I think he thought that maybe I was still angry with him, but I really wasn’t. By now I had planned on moving to Philly in the summer and planned on spending a lot of time with him when I got there. When I learned about how he passed I became angry. The selfish side of me felt like he left me behind and that he wasn’t thinking about how many people loved him. The selfish side of me felt like every time I get close to something, it’s taken away from me. That anger isn’t there anymore but I’m still very hurt behind it. I never thought I could miss someone so much that I hadn’t even spent a lot of time with. The memory of the last time I saw him still lingers in my mind. He hugged me so tight and said, “I don’t want to let you go”. I love you and really miss you Carl Jr. and I hope you know it. Rest in Peace.

Alsace Carcione Takes Home The Title of DDFW’S Master Of The Mic

Listen I am still hype from this past Saturdays DDFW Master Of The Mic contest! I didn’t even know anything about the show until the week of because I hadn’t been on social media for like a month. I also had no idea that this contest had been going on for months and this show was the last one with 6 finalist. Mark Spits and Madame Mims represented Fort Worth, Pudge Brewer and Ritchy Flo represented Denton, and Alsace Carcione and T. Lindsey represented Dallas. Celebrities D.O.C, Dorrough, and Erykah Badu were the judges. I wasn’t even going to do a review for it because I mainly went to show support for Alsace and knew I wasn’t going to be able to stay for the entire show. But I’m just so happy about her win that I had to make a post.

I got to Tree’s at 8:30 and the place wasn’t quite packed yet but the DJ already had people on the dance floor pop locking, break dancin, and dropping it like it’s hot  having a good time. After finding out the time that Alsace would be going on, my company and I decided to go across the street and eat some nachos at Fuzzy Taco’s (YUM 😛). We hung out there for almost an hour trying to pass the time then headed back to Tree’s. By then more people had packed in and a fella by the name of Mike Lackey was on the stage beat boxing and warming the crowd up. He did a good job, I have no complaints. But hey guy if you’re reading this, I would like to see more videos on your instagram page!

My company and I sat back and watched more people pour in and take pictures in front of the huge Master Of The Mic background. Different races, different styles, different ages, different everything was in the building. The place was filled with artist and people who loved art. It was quite a unique crowd and I loved every bit of it. My company, who is very picky about music, bobbed his head to DJ Snoopi’s mix and gave me the look of approval. The first act to hit the stage was Pudge Brewer from Denton. Unfortunately he didn’t hold my attention. I won’t say he was bad because I don’t think that at all. I was running into people that I knew and also chatting with my company so my attention just wasn’t fully on the stage.

Around 10:30 Alsace came full force starting her set off with a cover of “Killing Me Softly” and who else would be more appropriate to sing along other than her music partner Diva Sol. She then followed up with “Ain’t Goin” hyping the crowd up even more. THE BAND…OMG I mean they were amazing!  Even the host gave them their props.  I looked over at my company who was seriously enjoying “Black America” and “Been Grindin” (his fav) bobbin his head. Oh but when she did “Time Travel”…let’s just say there’s a reason I don’t have video footage for it because I was singing and dancing hard the whole time. And I saw you Alsace up there jiggin lol. The audience was absolutely feeling it too. Diva Sol went into straight up Rock Star mode during “Been Grindin” and started swingin her braids. Girl do you have whiplash after that lol? There was no surprise that she performed the song “Have Mercy” dedicated to her mother who is battling cancer, being as though this was such a special moment for her. As I watched Alsace take over the crowd, I couldn’t have been more proud of her. By the end of her performance both me and my company looked at each other and said she’s got this. 

Next up was Madame Mims, who to me seemed like she got a bigger introduction than the previous artist, but that’s neither here nor there. Her style is different and maybe even a little eccentric. It was something that I think I would have needed to listen to before seeing it performed. Honestly transitioning from Alsace to Madame Mims had me feeling like my high was coming down. And I’m not just saying this because I’m a fan of Alsace. A performance is a performance regardless of who I’m familiar with and not familiar with. It just seemed like a slow start. Like when you’re watching a movie and you’re like COME OOOON GET TO THE GOOD PART. I will say she had a nice flow though, there is no denying that. I left shortly after so I didn’t get a chance to see her full set and I hate I missed the others as well. My company really wanted to see some of the other male artist but it was getting late and he had work in the morning so we had to burn out. When I woke up the next morning and saw the good news I literally shouted.

Even though I didn’t get to see the other acts, I’ve seen the hard work Alsace puts in day in and day out to reach her goals (in her personal life and as an artist). That, along with the way she captured the crowd while going from one sound to the next and transfered her energy and emotion into the crowd, was more than enough for me to feel that she deserved the title of Master Of The Mic. The first ever to be exact. Congratulations again champ 🙂

To the other finalist reading this, so sorry I missed your performance and congrats on making it to the final round. Hopefully I’ll get to catch you guys at your next show. I’m especially looking forward to seeing Terrence because I have been seeing all the buzz online about him.

I know usually I post the videos below via Youtube but I have actually already posted them on my Facebook page so you can head over there and check them out at http://www.facebook.com/shelly80sbaby2
Thanks for reading and don’t forget to like, comment, and share 🙂

Dallas Unplugged Concert @ House Of Blues/Dallas, TX

Man I had a busy weekend but I’m still hype over the Dallas Unplugged show I went to Friday night. It was so live and I was so happy to be back on the concert scene after being gone for a while. The artists, the band, the background singers, and the DJ all did a phenomenal job and represented Dallas to the fullest. This concert was actually supposed to go down earlier this year but do to the bad weather it had to be rescheduled. I’m so glad they didn’t cancel it all together. The performers were Kirk Thurmond and The Millennials, Diva Sol, Judgemental and The Jury, and last but not least Alsace Carcione. I had the pleasure of meeting Alsace and Diva Sol previously when they opened up for Luke James at the House of Blues and I’ve been a fan ever since. I was super excited to see them shine again at their own show.

The concert was set to start at 8:30 and I was supposed to be there early to meet and connect with people but time just wasn’t on my side. I didn’t get there until 9:00, which was just in time to see Kirk Thurmond and The Millennials performing their song “You Ought To Know”. Never mind that there wasn’t many people there yet because these people still rocked the show as if they were at a crowded stadium. They offered up feel good music that was definitely pleasing to my ears. The music seemed to be a mix between pop and soul and I could hear the Stevie Wonder influence as well. They were playin the mess out the guitar and one of the background singers was definitely feeling it lol. Their set included other songs “Dancing Like You Do” and “Chasing You” which I like too. I’ll continue to support and follow this group on their journey. They actually have a show coming up soon at Josey Records in Dallas on June 27th so if you are free I suggest you go check them out. You won’t be disappointed.

There was a brief break and by now more people started pouring in just before Diva Sol with Soulful Soundz took the stage. I’ve actually seen her perform twice before Friday. The last time I saw her perform was at Mario’s show at Fame Bar and Grill and she killed it then and she killed it Friday too. The band and background singers were amazing and just made the performance even more complete. She performed one of my fav’s “Quality Time” and I got to hear a new song that I hadn’t heard before called “Beautiful Liar”. That joint was nice too. If you like Jill Scott and Lala Hathaway you’ll enjoy Diva Sol’s music, it is neo soul/rnb music that will have you bobbin your head and snappin your fingers. I like how she remixed them a little during the show too. I will say she got the party jumpin. Her song “Quiet Screams” always makes me wanna make a late night phone call lol. The lighting was perfect and I was right up on the stage so my pics came out better this time around. Although there were a couple of camera guys that kept getting in my way I managed to get some good footage.

Next up was Judgemental and The Jury. I let my boyfriend watch their video for their song “Bang Bang” before we went to the concert and he was really feelin them. Their sound is definitely southern and Texan. Reminds me of Bun B and Pimp C. While rappin about life’s struggles and politics this group is bringin the real to hip hop and I think it’s about time we had more people representing Texas in the rap game. Especially Dallas, Texas.  During their performance this older woman stumbled onto me and was like “Oh excuse me baby, BUT THAT’S MY SON ON THE DRUMS RIGHT THERE YAAASSSSS!” and literally spit all on the side of my face (of course on accident). I was like ooookay and just wiped my face on my shoulder lol. Anywho I look forward to hearing more from this group, they were good.

Now for the lady of the night the talented Alsace Carcione…words cannot express how proud I am of this one here. The progress that she has made and the growth I’ve witnessed in what seems like such a short time is just amazing. She really put on a show! The intimacy and how she connected with the audience proved why the support was so real for her. She hustles so hard like her song “Been Grindin” and I can’t wait for the day when I see her on the big screen. Her emotional performance of “Have Mercy” had everybody in the audience damn near in tears when she was discussing her mother and her fight with cancer. She pushed through the song and I’m sure her mother is very proud. The way she was able to take us from hardcore lyrics and beats to emotional neo soul to bouncin party vibes shows how versatile she is as an artist. She performed most of her songs off her latest album Cryptic Conundrum including “Hazy Thoughts” (my fav), “Come Too Far”, and her latest powerful single “Black America” which is so relevant to what’s been going on lately in society and in the news. The crowd showed so much love and me and my party thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

Overall this show was off the chain and if you weren’t there you missed out. There were minimal technical difficulties which probably went unnoticed by the crowd and everybody did a great job. There really isn’t anything bad I can say about the night. A girl did try to push up on me in front of my boyfriend which tripped us out but it didn’t ruin the night. We laughed about it later. Well check out the links, photos, and videos below and don’t forget to like comment and share. 🙂

Links

https://www.facebook.com/KirkThurmond

https://twitter.com/kirkthurmond

https://instagram.com/kirkthurmond/

https://divasol.bandcamp.com/

https://www.facebook.com/bookdivasol

https://instagram.com/divasol1/

https://www.facebook.com/RealityMusicEntertainment?fref=nf

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOCp6Fmdsc0sD9Yh-7vFbkg

https://www.facebook.com/TheAlsace

https://twitter.com/thealsace

https://instagram.com/thealsace/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvwBbqPtwIryaLp5UzsZKeg

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